


I wanna hold you (when I'm not supposed to)

by goonandkissthegirl



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F, First Kiss, Fluff, Lena Luthor Knows Kara Danvers Is Supergirl, Love Confessions, SuperCorp, Supercorp endgame, because I think she just should and it shouldn't be a big deal, first fic, giving it a shot, just really love these bitches, lots of familiar tropes here, tiny flicker of angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-02
Updated: 2018-08-02
Packaged: 2019-06-20 11:40:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,007
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15533439
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goonandkissthegirl/pseuds/goonandkissthegirl
Summary: A typical story of Lena and Kara being the adorable idiots in love that they are, and finally realizing it. Read on for a cute adventure through the land of fluffiness and enjoy some of your favorite tropes along the way!Set around the time after Season 2 and the beginning of Season 3 (when they were ~debatably~ at peak supportive wife mode), with some liberties taken, in that I think Lena should know about Supergirl and it shouldn't be a big D!





	I wanna hold you (when I'm not supposed to)

**Author's Note:**

> Hey Friends, 
> 
> I've been working on getting back into writing this year and it's taken some time, but I've finally worked up the courage to write something a little more fully developed and share it. Fanfic has been a nice, motivating way for me to get back into things and practice more. Especially when I just love these Supergirl bitches so much. You won't find anything particularly new or unique here, but like I said, I'm new. Hopefully, if you love these peeps as much as I do, you'll enjoy another sweet story! 
> 
> So, it's my first fic I'm sharing--I hope you'll go easy on me, but please don't be afraid to share your thoughts as well! 
> 
> Thanks!

The music was good tonight, so at least there was that. Normally when things were spiraling, it impacted everything; and lately nothing seemed to be going right for Lena. But tonight, the music at the club was good, her friends were out, and Kara looked amazing. Although really, the Kara looking amazing thing was part of the problem. As falling for your best friend usually is.

She had tried for a long time to ignore her feelings, had even dated James for a while to try to get over her. She had hoped being with him would have watered down her feelings a bit, but unfortunately it only seemed to bring her more clarity on the Kara situation.

 _Woops, think of the devil_ , Kara was on her way over to her. She quickly downed the rest of her drink—another positive of the night, the bartender was making them strong. “Lena!” Kara was elated, if not on her way to a little tipsy already. “You wanna go dance?!”

“Oh, um…” She should say no. She should really say no. Nothing good could come of drunkenly dancing close to the woman she was massively crushing on and desperately trying to pretend she didn’t have feelings for. “Okay, yeah! Why not?”

“Yay! Let’s go!” Kara reached for her hand, pulling her along. Lena just barely had a chance to set her empty glass down on a nearby table, as they made their way to the dance floor.

As it turns out, dancing with Kara wasn’t as bad as she’d thought. Although she had rhythm, Kara was more about jumping and shimmying along to the lyrics, rather than bumping and grinding. Lena was laughing and having fun with her best friend, like any normal person. Before heading back to the bar and their friends, however, the DJ suddenly switched gears to a slower song.

 _Weird choice for a club DJ_ , Lena thought.

She was about to walk off the floor, when Kara reached for her again. “Lena, wait! Let’s stay for one more, just for fun.” She was shooting Lena the kind of look you couldn’t say no to. Bright eyes and a sweet smile that Lena didn’t think anyone could turn away from.

 _This was so unfair._ Didn’t Kara know how this looked, how flirty she was coming across? She played it cool, anyway. “Of course, love.”

Kara squeezed her hand and pulled her close. She placed her hand on Lena’s lower back and Lena wrapped her arm around Kara’s shoulder. Kara kept their hands clasped closed to her chest. Which was lovely and sweet, and Lena could feel her heart pounding through her chest. She knew Kara would be able to hear it, too. She had to convince herself this moment was not what she wanted.

Kara looked like she was gearing up to say something. Probably something incredibly sweet, that would do nothing to quell Lena’s ever-growing feelings. Suddenly the situation was too overwhelming for Lena and she started to pull away, claiming to need another drink. She rushed off to the bar, without checking to see if Kara was following in tow.

 

With a new drink in hand, Lena headed back to her group of friends. Kara was chatting off to the side with Alex, looking a little off put and out of sorts. Lena assumed she must be getting a Supergirl call and would need to make an exit soon. Though the club was loud, she could tell Winn was trying to tell her something. With effort, she managed to pull her attention away from Kara and back to the rest of the group.

“Lena, come on, please play on my team for pool? James and Maggie are ragging on my skills, but I say math is on our side!” Winn exclaimed, finishing it off with a dramatic gesture.

“Woah, okay dork, let’s go,” she laughed and followed them to the nearest open pool table. She casually looked back to where Alex and Kara had been. As she thought, Kara was making a quick exit. Alex looked around a bit awkwardly before making eye contact with Lena and making her way toward her and the rest of their friends.

“Kara leaving?” Lena found herself asking. Alex gave her strange look, like she was fighting back a scowl, before she softened her features into a neutral expression. Alex’s brief facial journey made Lena nervous and she could feel her own brows creasing with worry.

Alex laughed her off and pressed a finger to her crease lines. “Chill out, Luthor. You’ll see her tomorrow.”

________________________

"Hey Boss, I’m heading out for the night,” Jess called into Lena’s intercom. It was already close to eight, Lena had told her to leave hours earlier, but Jess had stayed to help her work through some spending reports possibly connected to her mother’s organization. Jess really was the best, Lena didn’t know what she’d done to deserve her.

“Night, Jess. Thanks again for your help,” she replied, moving from her desk to her drink bar. She was hoping work would distract her tonight, but it looked like whiskey would have to do the trick. The anniversary of Jack always hit hard. She was no stranger to loss, but Jack was different from her mother and brother. He was just a guy trying to do some good with what he had, who ended up in a shitty situation. He had been one of her closest friends, whom she’d loved and still couldn’t save.

She made her way out to the balcony, thinking of their last interactions. _Fuck it_ , she thought, _Jack deserved to be remembered_. At the time she had wanted to rekindle things with him, she’d even tried to convince herself he was the one. God, even then Kara was constantly on her mind. She remembered the date Kara had awkwardly tried to rescue her from. She had lacked all sense of subtlety and Lena was still instantly charmed.

 _Shit_ , she’s supposed to be thinking of Jack and still Kara is stuck in her head. For a moment she was so wrapped up in her thoughts she completely missed the soft touch down of boots to her left. And was embarrassingly startled when a hand touched her shoulder.

“Lena?” Kara had her worried face on, crinkle apparent. “It’s…. It’s Jack, right?”

Of course, she knew. Kara remembered every save. And every loss. Today was probably difficult for her, too. Supergirl was alive because Lena had been made to choose. Of course, it hadn’t been Jack, not really; but Kara still understood the sacrifice was there.

“Good evening, Supergirl,” formalities were a Lena-enforced rule, security cameras were always on at L-Corp. “It’s… been… well, it’s not my favorite day of the year.”

“That might be an understatement,” Kara said, chuckling lightly. Her eyes roamed Lena’s, the crinkle and serious tone returning. “I wanted to be here earlier, not like this,” she gestured to the suit, “but a fire broke out on the east side and I had to make sure it was contained.”

“I understand. I appreciate you coming by at all. It, um, it means a lot to me,” Lena confessed looking Kara in the eyes. The alcohol was starting to kick in and she could feel her inhibitions dropping, her emotions coming through. That damn crinkle wasn’t helping things either.

“Do you want come over tonight? Some junk food, movies, you can keep drinking. We can slumber party and everything?” Kara made a convincing argument.

Lena let out a wet laugh. _Oh god, was she crying?_ She stepped closer to Kara. “Yes. Can we just…go now?” Lena made a flying gesture with her hand as she reached for Kara with the other.

“Yeah. Hold on tight, okay?” Kara gently wrapped her arms around Lena, holding her close. Lena didn’t usually like flying, but today she wanted to be comforted. And with her face tucked into Kara’s neck, strong arms holding her in place, and heading for Kara’s apartment, Lena didn’t mind the flying so much.

 

It was a good decision to go with Kara. Drinking alone at the office, drowning in misery didn’t do anyone any good. Tonight, she told Kara stories of her college days with Jack: the ideas they’d had, the things they’d built, how much fun Jack had brought to her life. For the first time in long time she felt like she had properly honored his memory.

As the hours passed, she could feel herself drooping on the couch. Kara had smiled at her sweetly, her lips turning up slowly. Was it the buzz, or did Kara just sigh while looking at her? Maybe she was just tired, they both were.

“Come on, you,” Kara grabbed her hands and hauled her up from the couch. “Let’s get you to bed. And we’re turning off alarms for the morning!”

“Kara…,” Lena protested half-heartedly. It was late. And it was the weekend.

“No complaints, Lee. It’s Saturday and we’re sleeping in.” Well, there really was no room for argument there. Lena conceded with a sigh and followed Kara to the bedroom.

She had changed into a borrowed set of sweats and Kara’s old Uni crewneck when they’d first arrived, so Kara could only giggle and lightly poke when Lena unceremoniously flopped herself onto the center of the bed. Lena was definitely drunk and could not be cajoled into giving Kara any more room. The brunette was well on her way to unconsciousness when Kara tugged the covers out from under her and threw it back over them both.

Kara took a moment to study her friend. So maybe Lena drank a little too much tonight, but oh well. She finally opened up about her past with Jack and seemed genuinely happy talking about him. That was progress in the grieving process, right? All things considered, she was probably doing better than Kara in that department.

The pull of sleep could no longer be ignored, and Kara felt herself settle in. Lena still hadn’t left her much room, so she snuggled up, wrapping her arm around Lena’s waist. They’d shared a bed before, and neither minded the proximity. Before completely succumbing, she dropped a soft kiss to Lena’s cheek, wishing her sweet dreams.

The tiniest, just barely aware part of Lena’s brain instantly alerted her to the change. Kara’s arm and lips on her at the same time left her awake and reeling, yet again. She thought she had been in love with Jack once upon a time. She thought her heart couldn’t be more broken after his death. But dammit if Kara hadn’t put her back together. And dammit if her heart didn’t beat for this woman.

 _Fuck_ , she was in love with Kara Danvers.

________________________

 

“Lena, hey! I didn’t expect to see you here today,” Alex seemed pleasantly surprised to see her at the DEO. Which was great considering she used to barely tolerate her presence at all.

“Hey! I know I wasn’t supposed to come in today, but I finally finished my designs for the new suit and I wanted to run them by you and the Director before Winn and I start working on them!” She couldn’t hide her excitement even if she’d wanted to. “Are you available? Sorry, I realize now I should’ve called.”

“Lena, please, it’s alright. Supergirl is in the field now, but you can get settled at the round table and we can go over it when she’s back,” Alex directed.

“Right. Anything serious?” she asked, wishing she wasn’t always worried when Kara was out as Supergirl.

“Nothing out of the ordinary. She’s on comms with Winn and J’onn now,” Alex assured her. “I’m actually glad you’re here, I’ve been wanting to catch you.”

Lena scrunched her brows in confusion, “Really? I was just over for game night two days ago,” Lena laughed sardonically.

“Yeah,” Alex paused, considering her words, “but like…without Kara around.”

“Oh. Of course.” Alex’s tone making her body instantly tense. Maybe Alex hadn’t warmed up to her like she’d thought?

“Lena, relax. I’m not accusing you of anything dire.”

“Okay,” she breathed. “What’s up?” _What’s up_? Geez, had she ever said that in her entire life?

“Look, I just wanted to talk to you about where you’re at with Kara,” Alex turned her gaze to the floor. This was awkward for her, too. “I just, I guess I just wanted you to know you guys don’t have to hide anything from me. You totally have my blessing! Not that that really even matters, but you know, it’s there and I support it….and shit, now I’m rambling as bad as Kara.”

“Alex,” she laughed, “that’s all very sweet, but I’m not sure I know what you’re talking about. Kara and I are just friends, like we’ve always been.”

Alex looked confused for a moment, looking over Lena, studying her features. Did she not believe her?

“Okay…,” Alex said, drawing the word out, “but you don’t want to be ‘just friends,’ right?”

Well _shit_. There it was. Lena felt her stomach drop. Was she that easy to read? Does everyone know how badly she’s got it for her best friend? Her palms were getting sweaty. How was she supposed to explain that? And crap, now she’s just been staring blankly at Alex, the sister of the woman she’s in love with, who literally just called her out on it, and she can’t even formulate words!

“Uhhh,” well, there was no point in denying it now. “I—I’ve tried to ignore my feelings, I really have,” Lena admitted, dropping all pretense. “I know it’s not fair after everything she went through with Mon-el. But, I’ve never had anyone like her in my life before. You know? Someone who didn’t leave? And it’s like… not being with her is heartbreaking, but just being around her, having her in my life at all, puts it right back together.” Shit. Now she was the rambling one. Did she really just confess all that to Alex?

Alex just raised her eyebrows. This was even deeper than she had imagined. She was really starting to rethink her stance on meddling. She probably should have just waited for Kara to talk to her. But damn, Lena’s been holding that in, all this time?

“You know, Kara really cares about you too,” Alex told her. “Have you thought about telling her all this?”

Lena scoffed, looking at Alex like she was crazy. “Of course, I’ve thought of telling her. Only every day of my fucking life.”

“And Supergirl saves the day yet again! HOLLA!” Winn shouted behind them at his work station, disrupting the tense situation they’d created. “Hey Alex, she’s on her way back with a rescued alien to make a statement.”

“Thank you, Agent Schott. Agent Thomas, can you take the statement in conference room 3?” Alex instructed her team. “Sorry,” she directed her attention back to Lena. “I didn’t mean to bring up such a heavy topic. We can talk more later if you want?”

“It’s alright, I shouldn’t have unloaded quite so heavily on you. That was unfair,” Lena argued.

“Look, I’m definitely on team ‘tell Kara.’ But I’ve got your back. I won’t say anything,” Alex reassured.

“Team tell me what?” Supergirl swooped in through the open DEO balcony, seemingly having overheard the last part of their conversation.

Alex looked to Lena. Lena smiled back at her, silently thanking her for her solidarity. Hopefully Alex understood that part. She turned her attention to Kara then, an excited expression clear on her face, and eager to change the subject.

“Just about the new suit designs I finished! I couldn’t wait to go over them with you,” Lena gushed.

Kara beamed at her then. And really, despite the heartache she so often felt, Lena knew she’d do it all again, everyday even, it if meant keeping Kara in her life.

 

________________________

It seemed her run in with Alex had more seriously impacted her than she initially thought. Lena couldn’t get their conversation out of her head. Alex appeared to be convinced she and Kara were already together and just hadn’t told anyone. She’d been especially emphatic when she told Lena how much Kara cared about her. And really, she was too casual with her suggestion for Lena to confess her feelings to Kara. The way Alex spoke, made Lena think maybe she actually had a shot with Kara? Maybe her feelings were reciprocated. She began to think of all the flirting and cuddling, and weird signs on Kara’s end; maybe there was more there than she thought.

She considered calling Alex to talk more; she had offered, after all. Then again, it really wasn’t fair to put Alex in a weird position where she’d feel obligated to withhold things from Kara. Lena had already dumped a lot on her shoulders.

No, Lena would have to work this one out on her own.

So, she did the mature thing; what any grown up, boss ass lady would do, and avoided Kara. Okay, it wasn’t purely avoidance, the two of them had been very busy lately. A ship full of Slaggites landed near the edge of National City, escaping persecution from their home planet, and the DEO had been processing their registrations. Supergirl had been assisting with testing for any Yellow Sun related abilities and training much of the new migrant group on how to control them—sensitivity to sound and smell, is what Kara had texted her about so far. _Yikes, would not want super smelling powers_ , Lena felt for them.

Meanwhile at L-Corp, Lena had been working away on the new suit—her designs had _finally_ been approved and finalized and now Lena just had to build the damn thing. Luckily, Winn was helping her upgrade most of the tech specs. In fact, she should probably call him about how the anti-kryptonite shield improvements were going.

Long story short: they were both super busy as of late, so she wasn’t 100% to blame for her lack of communication. She was having a hell of a time deciding if she was ready to tell Kara, anyway. She just needed a few more days to think it over, weigh the pros and cons— _maybe she should make a list?_

“Ms. Luthor?” Jess came through on the intercom, interrupting her thoughts. The phone was on the far wall down in her lab, so she stood from the stool she’d been crouched on to move closer.

“Yes, Jess? I’m here.”

“I’m heading out for the night, but you’ve got a visitor here to see you. Alright if I send her down?”

 _Oh god_ , it must be Kara. Lena’s palms instantly began to sweat. Her heart was racing from excitement or nerves, she wasn’t sure. With the way her brain had been all over the place lately, she was _so_ not ready to see Kara.

“Ms. Luthor?” Jess asked again.

“Sorry, Jess. Yes, go ahead and send her down.” No use in trying to avoid her now. Kara was still her best friend, she wouldn’t jerk her around.

A quick two minutes later, the ding of the elevator sounded, and Lena turned to greet her—but, _oh! Not Kara_.

Lena quickly shook off her surprise, “Kate, what are you doing here?”

“Surprise!” Kate Kane exclaimed. Wow, Lena hadn’t seen her in years, not since the last Luthor holiday party, before Lex went off the deep end. “I’m sorry I didn’t call, and I know it’s been forever, but I’m in town for a couple days. You wanna grab some dinner?”

Lena really should stay and work on the suit, she wanted to get it done as soon as possible for Kara. But it had been a long time since she’d seen Kate. And though she was a few years older than Lena, she looked incredible. A little spark of her 17-year-old self really didn’t want to say no to her old crush.

“Yeah, of course,” she couldn’t contain her smile. “Just let me clean up a bit,” Lena answered, trying to tame her beating heart. At least Kate wouldn’t be able to hear how hard it was pounding right now.

 

Dinner with Kate had been lovely; she found herself laughing at old stories and intrigued by many of Kate’s new ones. She was definitely up to something mysterious back in Gotham. There were so many caped crusaders around the country these days, she wouldn’t be surprised if yet another person in her life had decided to join the club.

As the evening wound down, Kate began flirting a bit more heavily. And Lena liked the attention, she did. Her cheeks were at a near constant shade of pink, and her inner teenager was screaming, _this was a dream come true_! Yet, when Kate reached for her hand and asked if Lena wanted to come back to her hotel, she felt herself pull away. A part of her did want to, but a much larger part of her was yelling back, _Kara, Kara, Kara_!

It was stupid. She didn’t even know if Kara would reciprocate her feelings. And still, it didn’t matter. Even with someone else expressing interest, Kara was stuck in her head and in her heart. It wasn’t fair to anyone if Lena engaged in something, even a fling, when she was so infatuated with someone else.

Lena politely declined, and Kate—ever the queen of confidence—hardly batted an eye. She stood to leave shortly after, moved to give Lena a friendly peck on the cheek, and told Lena to come visit her next time.

It was the perfect example of how easygoing this kind of situation could go. Although, being propositioned was a bit different from a love confession, Lena made up her mind then that she would tell Kara the truth. She was officially putting her love life to the side because of her feelings for Kara and she couldn’t keep that up forever. And in the deepest parts of her, Lena knew she would regret if she didn’t tell Kara eventually.

 

________________________

 

She couldn’t stop pacing. Kara was coming over tonight. Lena was going to tell her the truth about her feelings. And her heart was beating out of control. _Get it together, Lena_! If she didn’t chill the hell out, Kara was going to be here sooner rather than later, worrying about why Lena’s heart rate was through the roof.

 _Okay, deep breath in…. And slow release…_ she thought to herself as she worked through some basic calming techniques. She’d been planning tonight for days. Kara was coming over for pizza and potstickers, and a movie; a fairly regular night for the both of them. Before starting the movie (but with dessert), Lena would say what she needed to say to Kara. If anything went south, she and Jess made a plan to call in a work emergency to give her some space. She’d also, perhaps against her better judgment with the onslaught of texts she’d been getting all day, told Alex her plans for tonight. Alex was actually being insanely supportive, but Lena had told her so she’d be prepared if Kara showed up later tonight.

 _Come on_ , she tried talking herself down. It was just Kara. Kara was still her best friend, no matter what. Lena was fully prepared for the night, she’d even written out what she wanted to say. Not that she would break out a piece of paper in front of Kara. It was just practice, and practice made perfect. And tonight would be perfect. Or a perfect disaster! _Oh god_ , she was absolutely failing at keeping calm.

Before she knew it, there was light knock at her front door. _Shit, time really flies when you’re freaking the fuck out!_  

She moved to the door and with a deep breath, opened it to welcome Kara in. Even in comfy clothes, typical of their weekend get-togethers, Kara looked absolutely beautiful. Her hair was down, in her classic loose curls, and she wore jeans and her soft _Power to the Girls_ sweater (a favorite of Lena’s). Without even knowing it, Kara was cheering her on.

“Hey, Lena,” Kara smiled brightly at her, before pulling her in for a hug.

“Oh, you’re a sight for sore eyes. I’ve been missing you for weeks,” Lena said candidly, through their hug. Even though she’d sort of purposely not seen Kara in a while, she still missed her quite a lot.

“I know,” Kara said, pulling away from the hug, holding Lena in place by her forearms. “I’m sorry things have been so busy lately.” She held Lena’s gaze, hoping for understanding. When Lena returned her look with a sweet smile, Kara moved to look Lena over then. “Still in your work clothes? Did you just barely get home?” she asked, crinkle apparent.

“Oh, yeah,” she looked down at her attire. She had been home for hours actually, she’d just been in complete panic mode and forgotten to change.

“Well, actually I’m kind of glad. That you haven’t changed yet, anyway,” Kara said, moving to pull something out of her bag. “I was out shopping earlier and apparently there’s like a ton of Supergirl merch out there, which I suppose I should probably be a little concerned about, trademark-wise, but it’s also kind of cool, I guess. The symbol means a lot to people, anyway, which is good.”

Lena raised her eyebrows at Kara’s rambling. It was cute, but was she trying to get somewhere?

At Lena’s look, Kara stopped herself. “Sorry,” she shook her head. “The point is, I saw this,” she pulled a light, soft washed blue T-shirt with her crest on it out of her bag, “and thought you could add it to your tiny stash of leisure wear?”

 _Holy shit_. Kara was okay with her wearing her family crest? Did she even realize how huge a gesture this was? Lena could feel the beginning prickle and burn of tears forming. “Thank you, Kara,” was all she managed to say.

Kara just smiled back at her, nudging her toward her bedroom to get changed.

 

When she walked back out to the living room, Kara was waiting for her on the couch.

“Alright, how do I look?” she asked.

Kara stood then, eyes blown wide. Lena panicked for moment, worried Kara didn’t like seeing her in her family’s crest after all. Her panicked subsided quickly when Kara stepped closer to her with a smile.

“It-uh…it looks really nice on you,” Kara replied, reaching out to trace the symbol. At Kara’s touch, Lena’s heart rate was spiking again. She pulled back, suddenly realizing her hands were all over Lena’s chest. “Sorry,” she mumbled, cheeks flushing.

Lena’s nerves were running wild, but Kara’s reaction was giving her the tiniest bit of encouragement. They were still standing close, stupidly staring at each other, soft smiles in place. _Screw it_ , Lena’s thoughts were running loose now, an admission was on her lips before she could think better of it.

“Kara, I—I have to tell you something,” Lena stuttered. “Maybe we should sit down? Would you like to sit down? Let’s sit down, okay?”

“Woah, woah, Lena,” Kara tried to calm her, grabbing Lena’s arms. “Whatever it is, we can figure it out. You can tell me anything.”

Lena’s shoulders dropped a little, releasing some of her tension. _Dammit, Kara was too good to her sometimes._ “Okay,” she said, moving to the couch to sit. “Listen, _oh fuck here we go_ ,” she murmured under her breath. Kara’s crinkle appeared as she followed Lena to the couch.

Kara situated herself, so she was facing Lena, giving her full attention. She reached for Lena’s hand, giving a gentle squeeze, “I’m here.”

“This—this might seem forward, but I need to tell you the truth,” she took a deep breath, “and I realized I’d regret it if I never told you…”

“Lena, whatever it is—”

“Kara, I have feelings for you,” she interrupted. “No, not just feelings…more than that, I—I think I’m in love with you.”

“Oh,” was all Kara could say, before Lena picked up again.

“I know it’s not fair to you. And our friendship is _so_ important to me. But, it’s just a thing you’ve made me do. You’re the best person in my life, Kara. You’ve been there for me and supported me and cared about me, even when no one else did. I’ve tried to bury my feelings, tried to convince myself otherwise, tried dating other people. But my heart it—it just—it beats for you. Even when it’s breaking, you put it back together…” she trailed off, realizing she’d gone into a full-on ramble.

She looked to Kara, debating whether to go on.

“Lena…. I don’t know what to say,” Kara started.

“It’s okay. I—I don’t expect you to reciprocate or anything. I just didn’t want to lie to you,” Lena interrupted again. “Honestly, you could break my heart in two, but…just having you in my life—in whatever capacity—it’ll heal.”

Kara chuckled lightly, shaking her head, “Rao, I’ve been such an idiot.”

Lena was quiet at that. She knew this might come as a shock, but she never thought Kara would regret being friends. She could feel her heart picking up speed again. Her lungs seemed heavy and constricting. Her body seemed to be acting without her consent and before she knew it, she was having a full-blown panic attack.

“Kara, I—I’m,” she huffed. She was trying so hard to get air into her lungs, “so…sorry.”

Kara was a little in shock. The revelation was one thing, but now her friend was struggling to breathe. She wasn’t sure how one thing had led to another, but she knew she was not reacting fast enough. Lena was clutching her chest and she was just staring at the scene. _Snap out of it, woman_! Kara finally got herself together and pulled Lena into her chest.

“Match our breaths, Lee,” she finally spoke. “You can do this. It’s alright. I’m here. Feel the air in your lungs. Slow breaths. I’m right here.”

It took a few minutes, but Lena could finally feel her body relaxing, air coming easier now. She was clutching onto Kara so desperately, afraid her best friend would leave as soon as she let go.

Kara ran her fingers through Lena’s hair, pulling back to look at her once she was sure the woman was calm. “Are you alright? What happened there?”

“I don’t know. I’m so—”

“Please don’t be sorry. I know how awful panic attacks can be. You have nothing to apologize for, Lee,” Kara interjected, still holding Lena close, running her fingers softly through brunette hair.

“I haven’t had one of those since I was a kid, honestly,” Lena said, casting her eyes down. “Thank you for helping me through it.”

“You want to tell me why you think that happened? Were you that worried about telling me how you feel?” Kara asked, surprising herself at how forward she was being.

“No, I—what you said—I got scared you didn’t want to be my friend anymore,” Lena admitted. _God, that sounds so childish,_ she realized after her admission.

“Oh Rao, no! Lena, no way would I let you out of my life,” Kara responded. Lena looked confused, she was still missing something. Kara took a deep breath, it was time for some confessions of her own.

“Lena, you’re so brave. Braver than me.” Lena smiled at that, ready to laugh her off. “Just wait—let me finish, okay?” At Lena’s nod, she continued. “I’ve been an idiot because I’ve been trying to work up the courage to tell you how I feel about you for…well, awhile.”

Lena’s eyebrows rose, it was her turn to be in shock. Kara continued, releasing Lena to stand and pace in front of her.

“Alex has been on my case about what’s been going on between us for _forever_. And she kept telling me that you would feel the same way, but…I don’t know…I just couldn’t believe it. But a few times I tried to say something and then would chicken out because…well sometimes the situation was weird, or I’d have an emergency call. But I was also so worried…I didn’t want to hurt you or make things awkward between us.” She finally finished and looked back to Lena, still seated on the couch, looking pensive.

Kara sat next to Lena again, knees brushing. Kara reached out to the woman beside her, touching her cheek to draw her attention. “So, what do you suppose we do about this?” Kara asked, an unsure smile sitting on her lips.

Lena looked back to Kara, this woman she was in love with. She knew what she wanted, but there was still one thing she needed to clear up. “Kara, how do you feel about me?”

“Oh!” Kara’s cheeks reddened, “I guess I left out a few details in that rant back there, huh?” Lena laughed, but didn’t respond, hoping Kara would go on. With another deep breath Kara continued, “Lena, I’m pretty sure I’ve had feelings for you since the day we met,” she had to laugh at herself a little, she knew she had been enamored by this woman from the beginning.

“It’s like I knew right then the kind of person you were, how good you were, and how good you were for me. Everyone, _literally_ everyone, told me stay away from you at first. But I didn’t care, because I knew you. I trusted you. And no matter what, I’d go back to you. You’ve been the best friend I’ve ever had. And… I hope it’s okay if I borrow your words here, but my heart beats for you, too. I love you, Lena.”

Kara’s hands had found there way to both of Lena’s cheeks, gently rubbing her thumb to wipe away her tears. Lena had been betrayed by her own body for a second time in one evening. Her tears were happy, but it seemed they weren’t stopping any time soon.

“Happy tears, darling,” Lena sniffled with a smile.

She closed her eyes then, moving herself a fraction closer into Kara’s space. Kara responded in kind, brushing their noses together.

“Lena?” The question, the intent was clear; and Kara moved her lips to Lena’s when she felt the other woman nod in her hands.

The kiss was light and sweet, and a little salty thanks to the mix of Lena’s tears. Neither seemed to mind though, when they pulled apart with a chuckle. Lena leaned into Kara’s chest, feeling emotionally exhausted, but happier and lighter than she’d felt in years. When she finally opened her eyes to look at the woman she loved, the woman who loved her back, she was beaming.

She had finally told Kara the truth, and Kara loved her back. It was more than she could have asked for. She moved to press her lips to Kara’s again, a little more heat behind it compared to their first. Kara wasn’t complaining as she pulled Lena closer, running her tongue along Lena’s lower lip, seeking entrance. They continued like that for a few more minutes, holding each other close, enjoying the new sensation of each other’s lips, before they were interrupted.

A low growling sound had erupted from, of all places, Lena’s stomach. Kara couldn’t help but laugh at Lena’s rapidly tinting cheeks and reveling that, for once, someone else was hungry before she was.

“So, how ‘bout that pizza and movie?” Kara asked with a toothy grin. Lena shook her head, moving back towards the kitchen. Kara moved quickly to follow, reaching to catch Lena's hand. 

Lena was three for three on bad timing with her bodily reactions tonight, but hell, she didn’t care. With Kara's hand in her own, she was starting to think she’d finally gotten everything else right.

**Author's Note:**

> So, you made it to the end! *air high five*!!! Thanks again for reading! If you enjoyed, comments and kudos are welcome!


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